So you want to find a job, and the first thing you do is sit down at the computer and start searching Monster for jobs. You flip through hundreds of posted positions, merrily clicking Appy Now buttons and forwarding your resume to what you can only assume are hungry recruiters waiting for a resume to come to their attention.
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Is that what you imagine? A room of listless monkeys sitting around waiting for a resume to pop up on your their desktop, with bells ringing and alarms shrieking and a bright red light in the room spinning as the manager says, "Stellar Candidate Number 863124 just submitted to an open position! This is the one we've been looking for!"
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- \; u0 ]( U* }, aNow let's be honest. Didn't some of you, maybe just a little bit, imagine this is what happens when you apply online through a job board? That job description speaks to you man, it fits you so well it's like the manager was inside your head when she wrote it, and sure the qualifications list the need to be fluent in Mandarin Chinese but is it really that hard to learn? You made it through four years of Mrs Tingle's high school Spanish surely you can pick up some Chinese, and by golly they'll train you if it's that important.
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Are there any of you that just know this job was meant to be...yours, meant to be yours, and clearly the universe made this job pop up in front of your computer screen on this day. Why, you almost didn't turn on the computer today, but something told you that you should sit down today and look for work, and wow - look what happened - you're here to apply to the job.
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On the other side of the internet, you can see what's happening. The recruiter gets your resume, glances at the title and is intrigued. The name seems so familiar, but they can't place where. It's little bit of deja vu, it is. The recruiter reads the resume, (the world's best! resume), and almost falls out of the chair. He grabs for the phone and calls the hiring manager. "Cancel all your appointments, a stellar candidate just applied for the job!" The recruiter hangs up and mouths a silent prayer to whatever beneficent deity put this candidates in front of them.
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* }! y( `+ D* nBut not everyone falls into that category. Maybe you're not the naive type who thinks there's someone on the other side of that terminal for you. Maybe you're a volume type of guy. Volume works - ask any cold-calling salesman. Every "NO" you get takes you that much closer to a "Yes."
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; O2 d( z* h1 F+ oSo what do you do? You submit a resume to every position a company posts in the hope that the recruiter will read the resume, call the CEO, and demand a new position be created for the talented resume that just came across the desk. Sadly, even CEO's send their resumes to online job postings. Need a Help Desk candidate? Send a CEO resume!
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1 F' C1 v) ?. l$ q; k" `! RNot satisfied with blasting your resume eight times to the same recruiter from one job board - you bounce around every board you can find, burning up your keyboard with multiple resume submissions, sure that if one person doesn't like your resume, maybe another one will. It's all just one big crap shoot anyhoo! Am I right or am I right?
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It may seem harsh - but clicking submit on an online application is like sending your picture to a hundred suitors and begging for a date. Companies don't have the resources to process the hundreds or thousands of resumes that come through the pipeline every year, and many times your resume, the one you spent weeks getting just right, is never read.
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# p$ d; ]: `+ G1 {0 uThat's right. It's never even looked at. If it's opened, it might be printed. If it's at the very top of the pile on the recruiter's desk, it might get passed to a hiring manager. If they have time, the hiring manager might glance over it - and if you have the perfect resume (which differs for every manager), you might get an interview. Do you know the odds of that happening?
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So What's A Job-Seeker To Do?
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Be smart. Use the job boards to find the companies that hire in your field and then find something about them. Find people inside the company, or call the switchboard , and make sure that if you send your resume to someone, that you've spoken to them and they are expecting it.
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( X4 K7 X/ [2 V$ r' D' X5 WDon't ever send a resume to anyone that you haven't spoken to. I mean it. There are no monkeys and no bells and whistles to help you. This is your final warning.
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Jim Durbin is the Director, Corporate Communications for the Durbin Media Group He writes several local recruiting blogs and has a book coming out later this year on surviving unemployment. This post is part of the College Recruiter and Recruiting.com Blogswap. Jim can be reached at jdurbin@durbinmedia.com 
